Misery: Oh How Miserable it is…
This city is hardworking… this city is loyal… this city is the Browns…
Week 6
I have developed a strategy for sniffing out the worst in people, places, and things. I find that it’s best to sit down with a pen and paper and truly write down, in clear terms, what exactly it is that is happening and how you feel has been wronged. This exercise not only gives you a worksheet to come back to when you need to be snapped back into reality once the rose colored glasses fall back onto your face, but it also helps to reread those words back to see how blind you’ve truly been over the past days, weeks, or months.
I will give you these numbers with no context and then we can come back together once you’re done reading them. I’ll be waiting down there for you once your done.
This Cleveland Browns team has been the definition of terrible. Remember, there are 32 teams in the National Football League. Let’s start with the offense.
The 2024 Browns’ offense is:
30/32 in points scored
32/32 in total yards from scrimmage
32/32 in first downs
30/32 in total passing yards
28/32 in total rushing touchdowns
27th and 31st in passing and rushing touchdowns respectively.
Without question, the worst offense in the NFL by far. When you look at those numbers, it’s actually hard to even find one bright spot. Not listed above, but the only sliver of light I’ll give them, are their top half of the league with 9 turnovers on offense. It is hard to give up the ball when your offense is basically standing still though.
Defensively?
19/32 in points allowed
15/32 in yards allowed
13/32 in allowed first downs
11/32 in passing yards allowed
7/32 in passing touchdowns allowed
20/32 in rushing yards allowed
27/32 in rushing yards allowed.
Should it be confusing to anybody that the Browns have been run against 75 more times than they’ve had a passing play run? Oddly enough, with the majority of their key players being in the “box”, the secondary is holding up well. To those players' credit though, their pass rush may be what is stopping the passing game from getting going week-to-week.
Take all these numbers with the fact that you know this defense has had to see the field way more this year with the lack of first downs… I’d say we can bump them up a few places overall in a few of those categories if they could get some help on the other side of the ball. Clearly, this is not an “defense” problem.
It’s because of this that I struggle to see how this is a coaching problem. Yes, Kevin Stefanski is supposed to be the offensive “guru” - but remember it’s his coaching staff from the top to the bottom. They can also only build a house with the tools they are being given. If we assume there is some upper management telling them to stick with Watson - their hands may truly be tied into despair.
Now how bad is this offense you may ask? “Give me a comparison Nico.”
This team is statistically worse in most of the above listed offensive stats than the 0-16 Browns from 2017. I’d actually argue that the Browns are more likely to finish 1-16 this season than we are to finish with more than close to .500 - so that makes sense to me.
Okay, so you’re back now. Out of that horrible hell heap of a place “analysis land.” In this current reality, based on those stats above, let me tell you what upsets me the most. Ironically, it’s not the fact that we’re dead last in most things…
The Browns are the bloodline in this city. The Guardians lost last night to the Yankees which means they are eliminated from the playoffs. Nobody in the city of Cleveland really cares. It’s football season. Hopes are never that high for a World Series in this town. It’s nice to watch and cheer for a bit to get a reprieve from the worst team in the history of the NFL - but it’s always been a fantasy. If they tell you they care more about that then a Lombardi, be sure to ask them one question. “Who would want to win - if this was the last season you could watch on Earth before you die?” I’d wager every person in the greater Cleveland area would start barking.
When the clock ran out in that Warriors arena and LeBron fell to his knees, I was with my Grandmother. I cried tears of joy because I knew I had just been able to see a Cleveland team win a championship with the person who started my fandom many years ago. I still like to watch that famous clip every so often on YouTube in the dark shadows of my room late at night. “Cleveland, this for you!”
I went with my Mom on a plane that weekend to the city I love. The city that truly deserves it. I stood outside for hours with a million other people. I got to see the trophy hoisted up on the streets of Cleveland. It was a magical moment I’ll never forget.
I’d trade all those moments for the chance for the Browns to be good for a 5 year span. Not even a guaranteed championship - just a shot at one for a bit. That’s how badly this fan base loves this team. Guardians… Cavaliers… no… this city is the Browns.
I hate seeing the fans divided in the comments of posts on various social media sites. I hate seeing the fans with paper bags on their heads. We’re Browns fans and, to me at least, it’s always been a sign of honor and loyalty. It’s sad to see and it makes my sadness grow stronger knowing it makes me sad. It’s a vicious cycle. I can see that it is, but I still can’t seem to break myself out of it.
Oh how miserable it truly is… knowing how miserable it truly is…
For the love of god… don’t put any money on any of my “Misery” teams while you visit…
If you’re new here, every week I take teams and drag them down with me into this never ending cycle I described above. These teams are ones that I believe should start looking ahead to next year - because they’re season is done.
To recap, so far, I have ruled out a deep run for the Carolina Panthers, New York Giants, Chicago Bears, Miami Dolphins, and the Los Angeles Rams. You can click on any of those teams to go to their respective week and scroll down to see my analysis. Who will it be today? Let’s talk about “da Raiders.”
Always a scrappy bunch of players held together by their joint ferocity, they can be hindered by their attitudes most years if things aren’t going well. Case and point? Maxx Crosby.
Maxx is one of the most elite defenders in the NFL today and getting ready to be in the middle of his prime at age 27. The guy is a monster - truly Myles Garrett level talent and game changer on his team. With Davante Adams being traded away recently though, this seems like it could turn into a messy fire sale.
Crosby has expressed his distaste with the trade in saying he’s “not here to rebuild.” Trust me, as a former 27 year old in their prime, I totally get it. You’re not going to mess around when you have time, talent, and youth to lose. With that big “C” on his chest though, I’m starting to worry this may be the beginning of mutiny in Las Vegas.
Dovante Adams trade aside, this team did and still doesn’t have any weapons on the offensive side of the ball. They have a committee of running backs that aren’t good for much other than an occasional touchdown in fantasy and wide receivers that aren’t even “trade for” level since Adams departure.
They’re one Crosby trade away from having nothing valuable left honestly and I genuinely think it could happen if the noise gets loud enough in that locker room. If it does, expect an even steeper slide in their performance coming off of two massive blowouts already.
Side note in all of this? I like Antonio Pierce in a coaching role - and I hope he doesn’t get blamed for this.
Misery Team Week 6: Las Vegas Raiders
Prediction: Best Case 7-10… worst case 3-17… a big gap I know, but I think it all depends on if this team decided to make additions or subtractions and/or if they can rally around their coach.
